i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
