you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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