Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
