All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
