My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
