I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
