In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
