I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
