Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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