That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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