i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
