Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize