so that wasnt chicken after all
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
