yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
