I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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