you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
