Nicole vs. Life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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