i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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