I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
