that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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