so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
