someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
