I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
