im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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