im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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