How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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