omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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