for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
