Only a mothe r could love this liver
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
