i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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