Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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