Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
