i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
