i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
