farters have to be the big spoon...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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