just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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