I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
