i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
