i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
