theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
