you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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