I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
