im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
