Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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