fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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