fuck your aforementioned shoe
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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