You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
