Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
