Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
