I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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