Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
