Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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