Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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