I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
