i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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