I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
