Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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