just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
