I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
