nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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