I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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