70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
