just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
