hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
