I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
