I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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