...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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