Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
