You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i think i just lost a toe
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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