Can i not drive my cunt home
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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