In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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