Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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