Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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