theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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