white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions