Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.