I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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