I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
