he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
