I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
