I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
