am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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